“Time Zones” (Negativland)

The Autonomous Commie Republic,
which is part of the Russian Federation,
is situated in the far northwest of Europe,
and spreads up to The Arctic part of the Ural Mountains.
It’s crossed by nine northern parallels.
Ten fair-sized European states could be placed on its territory.
Besides indigenous residents (that is, the Commie people),
there are also Russians, Ukranians, Nenetzes, Tchubashis, and Tartars.
And now, let’s go back into history a little bit. (CLICK)A boil lying on skins behind our backs was turning
the knobs of a small transistor radio.
(“... making efforts to use radios as vehicles
of the psychological warfare. A subversive...”)
And the tent was suddenly filled with
an announcer’s voice speaking Commie.
(Jane… Jane… Jane… Jane...)
Then, with music from Moscow, followed by English and French speech.
(“The recording was made at the
Moscow Theatre of Musical Miniatures.”)
Now, back to modern times.YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.
AT THE RECOMMENDATION OF THE INTERNATIONAL TIME BUREAU,
COMMENCING AT TWENTY-THREE (23) HOURS,
FIFTY-NINE (59) MINUTES, SIXTY (60) SECONDS UTC,
AN EXTRA SECOND WILL BE INSERTED INTO THE NBS TIME SCALE.
THIS ADJUSTMENT IS REQUIRED TO MAINTAIN
INTERNATIONALLY COORDINATED UNIVERSAL TIME
AS BROADCAST FROM THESE STATIONS,
IN CLOSE AGREEMENT WITH UT1, OR ASTRONOMICAL TIME.
(“WA6ODB... with... a question...”)
“... and... uh...”
“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”
“And about power...”
“D’you kn--”
“We got so much power now...”
“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”
“We got so much power now, that’s ridiculous.”
“D’you kn-- do you know how many time zones there are
in the Soviet Union?”
“Power, and all that, that’s power, we got so much power,
that’s ridiculous.”
“We have--”
“Power, power, power, power, power, power now, it’s ridiculous.
We got so much power now ...”
“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”
“It’s not even funny.”
“D’you --”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Do you know how many --”
“It’s not even funny.”
“D’you kn--”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Do you know how many --”
“That’s, that’s ridiculous.”
“Do you know how many time--”
“That’s ridiculous. It’s not even funny.”
“D’you --”
“It’s not even funny.”
“D--”
“It’s not even funny.”
“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”
“It’s not even funny. How many time zones?”
“Yeah. We have, we have four in this country, right?”
(Hello?)
“How many time zones?”
“Yeah.”
(Hello? Yes.)
“1, 2, 3...”
“Four in this country, right?”
“Uh, yessir.”
“Mm hm.”
“Uh, four... 1, 2, 3... yessir.”
“Right.”
“1, 2, 3... yessir.”
“Mm hm.”
(“... radio station, Radio Moscow”)
“Uh, four... time zones?”
“Yeah. We have four in this country, right?”
“Uh, no, sir.”
“We have, we have --”
“Uh, yessir.”
“Mm hm.”
“And... uh...”
“Do you know how many time zones they have?”
“Uh, yessir. Uh, four... uh, no, sir. I never really studied that up.”
“ELEVEN!”
“ELEVEN! It’s not even funny.”
“ELEVEN!”
“ELEVEN! That’s, that’s ridiculous.”
“ELEVEN!”
“ELEVEN! Well, that’s what we can do. We can go anywhere,
because we live here, we --”
“Yeah, but --”
“-- anywhere else.”
“But, not only, not only the right of free travel, I’m saying... ELEVEN!"
“ELEVEN! 1, 2, 3... yessir."
““Mm hm. ELEVEN!”
“ELEVEN!”
“That’s how big they are.”
“Yeah. Yeah. ELEVEN!”
(What happened to my call?)
“That’s how big they are.”
“Yeah. Yeah. I, I can believe that, I’m a firm believer in that.”
“Alright.”
“1, 2, 3... uh, four... yessir. 1, 2... yessir, yessir.”
“Mm hm.”
(...Radio Moscow, 215 2101)
“The Soviet Union’s the whole half side of the world.”
“Yeah.”
“And we’re just a little, one little tenth of the globe.”
“Yeah.”
“They, uh, when you talk about fightin’, we’re a country that, uh,
we’re a firm believer on pride, and it’s called help thy neighbor,
Do not kill, do not, you know, steal, cheat, lie from everybody.
That’s why we have to have computers, because man,
nobody is perfect.
You know.”
“Mm hm.”
“It’s not even funny.”
“D’you --”
“And about power, man, nobody is perfect. You know.”
“So what is your point?”
“Nobody is perfect. You know.”
“So what is your point, Glen?”
“There’s, there’s, there’s two things you don’t talk about:
one’s politics, the other one’s religion.”
“D’you --”
“The reason you don’t talk about ’em is because they combine in each other.
You know what I’m saying?”
“Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?”
“You know what I’m saying?”
“Don’t you kid yourself. Thanks, Glen, for the... uh...
Well, just thanks for the, the good thoughts.”
THIS CONCLUDES OUR TRANSMISSION TO OCEANIA.
HOWEVER, LISTENERS IN EAST ASIA
MAY CONTINUE LISTENING ON
THE FOLLOWING SHORTWAVE FREQUENCIES:
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